“Parallel-parenting orders can take the form of “divided parallel parenting”, where each party is given separate, defined areas of parental decision-making, independent of the other; or alternatively, “full parallel parenting”, where both parents are given the right to make major decisions respecting the child in all major areas of parental authority while the child is with them, without the consent of the other parent. See: Hensel v. Hensel 2007 CarswellOnt 7010 (Ont. S.C.J.); Izyuk v. Bilousov, 2011 ONSC 6451 (CanLII).
Parallel-parenting orders have been made in high-conflict cases, particularly in cases where:
a) One parent is unjustifiably excluding the other from the children’s lives and can’t be trusted to exercise sole custody responsibly. See: Andrade v. Kennelly 2007 Carswell 8271 Garrow v Woycheshen, 2008 ONCJ 686 (CanLII); Madott v Macorig, 2010 ONSC 5458 (CanLII), [2010] OJ No 4371 (SCJ); Cooke v. Cooke, 2012 NSSC 73 (CanLII); Bushell v. Griffiths2013CarswellNS 240 (N.S.S.C.), and Izyuk v. Bilousov, supra, (where the court stated that it must still be satisfied that it is dealing with equally competent parents whose lack of cooperation does not affect the best interests of the child (par. 507)).
b) Where the parents are incompatible with one another, but are both capable parents and agree on major issues. See: Hajkova v Romany, 2011 ONSC 2850 (CanLII), 2011 ONSC 2850; Scervino v Scervino 2011 ONSC 4246 (CanLII), 2011 ONSC 4246 (SCJ). In this line of cases, the conflict between the parents is not so high that it will interfere with responsible decisions being made about the children and the parents appear to be willing to put the best interests of their children first. See: Moyer v. Douglas[2006] OJ No 5124 (Ont. S.C.J.); Ursic v. Ursic (2006) 2006 CanLII 18349 (ON CA), 32 R.F.L. (6th) 23(Ont C.A.).
In Baker‑Warren v. Denault, 2009 NSSC 59 (CanLII), the court held that a parallel-parenting regime is usually reserved for those few cases where neither sole custody, nor cooperative joint custody, will meet the best interests of the child.
Courts have found that parallel-parenting orders will not meet the best interests of the children where the conflict is too high to make such an order work. See: Roy v. Roy 2006 CanLII 15619 (ON CA), 2006 CarswellOnt 2898 (C.A.); Mo v. Ma, 2012 NSSC 159 (CanLII) and Graham v Bruto, [2007] O.J. No 656 (Ont. S.C.J.) aff’d at 2008 ONCA 260 (CanLII) (where the trial judge found that a joint custody and parallel-parenting regime made little sense since it would put the “children in the middle of conflict every few days” and “the parents’ inability to cooperate in such cases may result in frequent visits to court which would present a greater opportunity for conflict”).
In V.K. v. T.S., ONSC 4305 (CanLII), Justice Deborah Chappel conducted a thorough review of the case law and set out in paragraph 96 the following factors to consider when determining whether to make a parallel-parenting order:
a) The strength of the parties’ ties to the child, and the general level of involvement of each parent in the child’s parenting and life. In almost all cases where parallel parenting has been ordered, both parents have consistently played a significant role in the child’s life on all levels.
b) The relative parenting abilities of each parent, and their capacity to make decisions that are in the child’s best interests. Where one parent is clearly more competent, responsible and attentive than the other, this may support a sole custody arrangement. On the other hand, where there is extensive conflict between the parties, but both are equally competent and loving parents and are able at times to focus jointly on the best interests of the child, a parallel parenting regime may be ordered.
c) Evidence of alienation by one parent. If the alienating parent is an otherwise loving, attentive, involved, competent and very important to the child, a parallel parenting arrangement may be considered appropriate as a means of safeguarding the other party’s role in the child’s life. On the other hand, if the level of alienation is so significant that a parallel parenting order will not be effective in achieving a balance of parental involvement and will be contrary to the child’s best interests, a sole custody order may be more appropriate.
d) Where both parties have engaged in alienating behaviour, but the evidence indicates that one of them is more likely to foster an ongoing relationship between the child and the other parent, this finding may tip the scale in favour of a sole custody order.
e) The extent to which each parent is able to place the needs of the child above their own needs and interests. If one of the parties is unable to focus on the child’s needs above their own, this may result in a sole custody order, even if that parent is very involved with the child and otherwise able to meet the child’s day to day needs.
f) The existence of any form of abuse, including emotional abuse or undermining behaviour, which could impede the objective of achieving a balance of roles and influence through parallel parenting.
I would add four more considerations that I believe are relevant to a parallel-parenting analysis.
The first consideration is for the court to evaluate the likelihood of one category of decision-making conflicting with another (the spillover effect) and the ability of the parents to navigate those conflicts. For instance, it might appear on the surface that there is a clear delineation between medical and educational decisions. However, that might not be the case with two parents determined to fight and perpetuate conflict. If a school recommends speech-language therapy or therapeutic counseling to take place at school, high-conflict parents will likely fight over whether these are medical or educational decisions.
The second consideration is whether the parents have the ability to navigate scheduling conflicts between activities and appointments. Since they are each acting independently in their own sphere of decision making, what happens when both soccer practice and math tutoring are scheduled for the same time? How likely is one parent to schedule a dentist appointment at the same time as a child’s playoff hockey game?
It may be possible to anticipate, define and create priorities for many of the potential conflicts regarding both the delineation of decision-making and the scheduling of activities and appointments, but a court needs to carefully consider whether this is really possible given the dynamics of the parents in the case before it. The court might just be developing a new battleground for the parties with a parallel-parenting order – a battleground that will create more conflict and instability for the children.
The third considerationis the geographical distance between the parties. It is one thing to carve off an area of decision-making for the non-residential parent, but the court has to ask whether the residential parent (the parent with whom the children primarily reside) will logistically be able to implement those decisions. Decisions by the non-residential parent are easier to implement if the parties reside close to one another. If the parties live far apart, the residential parent may not be able to take the children to a doctor, tutor, counselor, school or activity (depending on the area of decision-making) chosen by the non- residential parent. If the parents cannot communicate well, the geographic distance between them can create significant conflict and adversely affect the children.
The fourth considerationis about family dynamics. The court must evaluate if a parallel-parenting order is more likely to de-escalate or inflame the parents’ conflict.
A parallel-parenting order can be a useful tool for settlement. The risks associated with it (as set out above) may be outweighed by the benefits of the parties avoiding further litigation and coming to an agreement that both can accept – an agreement where both parties are fully engaged as parents. With parents who sincerely want to be involved with their children for their children’s benefit, such an order will likely have the benefit of de-escalating conflict. The children, in such cases, will receive the benefit of two involved parents.
However, a sad reality of family law is that there is a certain group of parents who seek such orders for the purpose of asserting control over their former spouse and children. These parents tend to be rights-based, overly litigious, unbending and the best interests of their children can be secondary considerations. For such parents, a parallel-parenting order can be a recipe for disaster. It can become a springboard for that parent to assert control and make the lives of their former partner and children much more difficult.
All of these considerations lead this court to the conclusion that courts should be very careful before granting parallel-parenting orders in high-conflict cases. They are rife with potential complications that could have the inadvertent effect of escalating conflict and destabilizing children. There is also the risk that important decisions regarding children will not be made in a timely manner if there is a conflict over who is entitled to make that decision. It is not in the best interests of children to paralyze the decision-making process about them.
Logic dictates that these risks grow exponentially in a high-conflict case if a party is seeking a “full parallel-parenting model” order. There are many child-related decisions that require a high-level of parental communication. Important medical and academic needs for children need to be coordinated. The treatment of any special needs of children must be coordinated. A proposed parenting model where each parent acts fully independently of the other in making these important decisions (where the parents have little or no ability to effectively communicate about the children) needs to be approached with extreme caution.”
K.H. v .T.K.R., 2013 ONCJ 418 (CanLII) at 45-59