“The parents’ inability to engage in effective communications is a serious consideration. In Kaplanis v. Kaplanis (2005), 249 D.L.R. (4th) 620 2005 CanLII 1625 (Ont. C.A.), at para. 11, the court noted that “no matter how detailed the custody order that is made, gaps will inevitably occur, unexpected situations arise and the changing development needs of a child must be addressed on an ongoing basis”. Disagreements over decision-making can make life miserable for children and feed into their insecurities, disillusionment and unhappiness.
That said, even where joint decision-making is neither practical nor realistic, courts have examined various models of decision-making that would still promote the parents shared involvement in every aspect of their children’s lives.
One option is to identify one of the two parents as the final decision-maker coupled with a requirement that there be full information sharing between the parents on all matters relating to a child’s welfare and well-being and with a view to working towards an agreement. Where the parents are unable to reach an agreement and the decision-making parent makes a decision, he or she must be able to demonstrate that the decision made took into account the concerns of the other parent. Depending of the nature of the decision at stake, the decision-making parent may also have to demonstrate the reasonableness of his or her preferred approach. That might require input from third-party arm’s-length advisors, as the case may be. Apart from the overriding concern that a child’s best interests be met, the rationale behinds such an approach is to avoid shutting one parent out of the overall parental relationship: see Leeming v. Leeming, 2015 ONSC 3650, 2015 CarswellOnt 8636; and Goyal v. Goyal, 2014 ONSC 3026 (CanLII).
A variation to the first option might be to separate out the decision-making subjects such that one parent has the final decision-making power over one aspect of a child’s life while the other has that authority over a different subject. Decision-making may also be linked to the parent with whom a child resides, or the decisions may be divided between day-to-day decisions and longer-term decisions: see: M.B. v. D.T., 2012 ONSC 840 (CanLII). These options lend themselves to situations where, although there might be conflict between the parents, one is not more responsible over the other, or one is not more prone to disagreement or unilateral action.
Underpinning these basic principles is the reminder from the Ontario Court of Appeal, in M. v. F., 2015 ONCA 277 (CanLII) that the Ontario legislation does not require a trial judge to make an order for custody. Section 28(1)(a) of the CLRA is permissive, not mandatory. At paragraph 39 of the same decision, the ONCA cautioned that the subject of custody not be considered in terms of winners and losers:
[39] For twenty years, multi-disciplinary professionals have been urging the courts to move away from the highly charged terminology of “custody” and “access”. These words denote that there are winners and losers when it comes to children. They promote an adversarial approach to parenting and do little to benefit the child. The danger of this “winner/loser syndrome” in child custody battles has long been recognized.”