“On a more positive note, it is a pleasure for me to listen to the voice of the child delivered through the adults who have been asked to explore it. How often I have experienced the sweet insight of a child who can so easily see what is going on between their warring parents because they have lived in the war zone. How poignant it is to listen to a child who wants the love of both parents, a child with their own sense of justice and fairness, try to maneuver their way through the treacherous mine field of their parents’ anger, vindictiveness, hyper-vigilance, manipulation and over-reaction.
Sometimes a child simply longs for one parent at a particular point in their life. Sometimes a child simply needs to align with one parent because the stress of the battle is too much to bear. Sometimes going back and forth between houses is just too complicated. Sometimes a child needs to find a way to get people to listen so escalates a small complaint into a reason when really all he wants is to have his feelings heard.
Of course a 10 year old child is not free of influence! His parents are still, in some ways, his whole world. What the OCL evidence states is that because they have not been able to solve his problem, Kayne has been forced to choose, knowing full well the position of each parent.
I hear him.
Once you have asked a child for his views, and you hear him, what message does it give to the child if you ignore him?
How, or why, would he trust his parents, the court’s investigators, his therapist, the judge or, perhaps, anyone again with his true feelings?
Rhetorical question: he would not. Rendering a child unable to trust is not in his best interests.
That said, I do not relinquish my responsibility to create workable strategies to maintain relationship between Kayne and his mother. It is naive to say “whenever I want – dad will let me” in the context of this conflict. A firm schedule is required.”