“In Rifai v. Green, 2014 ONSC 1377, Pazaratz J. decried self-help parenting measures. He pointed out that one parent does not start out with higher status than the other:
25 The starting point, of course, is that at the outset both parents are presumed to have equal status, equal rights, and equal authority over decisions in a child’s life. In the absence of a formal agreement or court order, neither parent has the right to unilaterally impose major changes in a child’s life. Neither parent has the right to unilaterally interfere with or impede the other parent’s contact or role in the child’s life.
He described the parent who engages in self-help tactics that belie a child’s best interests as raising questions about the new status quo and the moving parents’ own parenting skills, writing:
22 A parent who engages in self-help tactics despite the best interests of the child will generally raise serious questions about their own parenting skills and judgment. In many cases, courts conclude manipulative, selfish or spiteful parents simply can’t be entrusted with custodial authority they would likely abuse. Izyuk v. Bilousov (supra); Clement v. Clement 2010 ONSC 1113 (SCJ).
Fallis v. Decker, 2013 ONSC 5206 is another case in which Pazaratz J. considered the tactic of mobility self-help. In that case, the mother moved and then came to court arguing a new status quo. Pazaratz J. would have none of that argument. He described her tactics as “brinksmanship”. He asserted at para. 27 that “[p]arents take unilateral action at their own peril. The court simply cannot sanction self-help in circumstances where the best interests of children may potentially have been jeopardized.” He added that “[p]articularly at an early stage of litigation, the court should be reluctant to allow any disruption of the status quo.”
In Arbitman v. Lee, 2021 ONSC 315, Monahan J. took a similar approach to the problem of self-help, even when confronted with that behaviour from a primary caregiver. He wrote of the need to discourage that kind of behaviour as follows:
39 First, the current arrangements whereby the Applicant’s time with the children has been severely restricted is purely de facto rather than de jure, resulting from unilateral actions taken by the Respondent rather than as a result of a court order. Self-help measures are to be discouraged, and resort to the courts for permission is indicated where a parent’s right of access to children is to be restricted. If the current restrictions on the Applicant’s access to the children were to serve as a benchmark or starting point for determining the parenting schedule going forward, the effect would be to reward rather than discourage the Respondent’s resort to self-help.
Here, the mother attempted to unilaterally create her own new status quo, brazenly asserting that her unilateral right to remove the child was “non-negotiable”. She may have done better by making it negotiable.”