“I am aware of the Parenting Plan Guide (“PPG” or “Guide”) published by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts – Ontario (AFCC-O) which provides a good up-to-date summary of the social science research.
The Guide has some useful comments regarding children Spencer’s age, keeping in mind that she is currently age 9 and will be 10 in November.
Regarding ‘Early School Age Children: 6 to 9 Years’, the Guide says that “Children of this age can more easily understand and manage differences in parenting styles and blocks of time away from each parent due to their more developed understanding of time.” This is relevant because it is clear from the SASAC notes that the child felt she had to choose between her mother and the father in absolute terms, and when the Family Monitor tried to explain to Spencer that a proposed visit was only 1 hour with her father and she would be with the mother for the rest of the week, Spencer struggled. She was 6 years old at that time and at the early stage of this age category. The Guide further notes that “Children of this age often feel they need a parent’s “permission” to see the other parent. They have developed an appreciation for others’ points of view; if they believe that a parent is unsettled or anxious about their spending time away, the child may have feelings of guilt, anxiety, or even anger.” This was certainly seen at the SASAC visits. It is possible that now, approaching the end of this age category, these feelings have waned, although there are further concerns noted in the next age category. The Guide says that “at this age, children should have very significant involvement with both parents.”
Regarding ‘Later School Age Children: 10 to 12 Years’, a grouping Spencer will soon join, the Guide comments that “If there is a high level of conflict, and one or both parents are undermining the child’s relations with the other parent, this is an age where some children may strongly identify with one parent. It is not unusual for children of high conflict parents in this age range to align with one parent and start resisting contact with the other parent. In extreme cases, one parent may intentionally engage in a pattern of behaviour intended to alienate the child from the other parent.” The Guide says that “Children of this age group can do well with a range of different [parenting] plans, but should have frequent contact with both parents.” The Guide adds regarding this older group “Resistance to contact is usually best understood as a “family systems problem” that should be addressed by the child and both parents, if possible, through discussion and perhaps voluntary therapeutic involvement for all family members, but if necessary through the legal process. The support of a favoured parent for a strong relationship with the other parent is very important, and, unless there are serious issues of poor parenting, is usually in the long-term interests of the child.”